


I Wanted It to be Real

by andonewillbringhisfall



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Fake Relationship, M/M, warning: a bit of homophobia at the start
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-09 17:49:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12281454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andonewillbringhisfall/pseuds/andonewillbringhisfall
Summary: A fake relationship AU.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is gonna have 6 chapters and I'll be updating around every 3-4 days. Simon POV. Hope you like. :)
> 
> ALSO! Happy 6th of October aka 2 years since the release of Carry On.

Chapter 1

Christmas break at the Bunces’ was a lot crazier than the Wellbeloves’. Usually I’d stay with Agatha, but since we broke up in October she thought it would be a bit weird if I stayed with them this year. She said she didn’t want her parents getting the wrong idea. Penny says that means Agatha didn’t want them bugging her, asking why we’re not together. (I want to ask her too, but I don’t want to ruin anything. I thought we were meant to be endgame, but even I can see she’s happier now.)

For one thing Penny has way more siblings than Agatha. Christmas is the one day of the year where all the Bunces will sit down to dinner together, and by the end of the meal everyone was threatening never to do it again. (Premal wasn’t there; Penny says he’s always busy with the Mage.) Two of the younger ones had a fight over presents and Penny’s dad just wanted to talk to me about the Humdrum.

It was crazy and exhausting and I loved it. I love that they’re all so different, but that they all belong there. No explanations needed.

Penny’s mum is driving us back to Watford. Penny’s in the front seat, and they’re talking about magickal politics while I stare out the window, trying to catch a glimpse of the gate. _Magic separates us from the world; let nothing separate us from each other_. It’s always good to come home.

We park by the Great Lawn, Penny and Dr Bunce still deep in conversation. I crane my head, peering around at all the other cars pulling up, students walking out and slamming doors then heading towards the drawbridge. Agatha’s probably not back yet, but I’m not looking for Agatha.

‘Well, I’d better be heading home,’ Dr Bunce says, leaning over to hug Penny. ‘You two take care. Be safe.’

‘We will,’ Penny says, scrambling out of the car.

‘Simon?’

‘Of course, Dr Bunce,’ I say, even though it’s a promise I can’t make. The Humdrum’s still out there somewhere. Plus I have an evil vampire for a roommate, so being safe is never really an option.

Just as he crosses my mind, I finally spot Baz. He’s standing by a sleek black car with his dad, who’s just a little bit shorter than him and not as intimidating as I thought he’d look. Maybe that’s just because nobody looks intimidating next to Baz. I squint at them, and notice that Baz’s dad has his arms crossed and Baz’s shoulders are stiff like he’s watching for a threat.

I grab Penny’s arm and start walking towards them, even though they’re not really in our path to the drawbridge. Penny sees where we’re headed and gives me an exasperated look, but walks with me anyway.

We walk around so we’re approaching them from the other side of the car. I gesture at Penny to be quiet, even though I know I don’t need to.

‘…just here to study, and keep an eye on Snow,’ Baz says. I almost duck down behind the car to hear better, but Penny stops me with a look and a hand on my arm. Instead, we stand a little way away, hoping they’re too busy with their conversation to notice us.

‘I know, that’s your main objective, but these are your last few months at Watford,’ his dad says. ‘Why don’t you try talking to Miss Avery?’

‘Because it’s a waste of my time and effort,’ says Baz. I can’t tell if they’re plotting or if Baz’s dad is trying to set him up with the girl. She’s an eighth year, and I think her family is in the Wellbeloves’ circles. She’s not one of the Old Families, but she’s powerful, and brilliant in school. Way better than me, but then, who isn’t?

‘Basilton,’ his father says, annoyed.

‘You know I’m gay, Father,’ says Baz, though his voice is still carefully emotionless. My mouth drops open and I turn to Penny. She’s actually paying attention now, her thoughtful gaze turned on Baz.

‘You’ve never dated a bloke,’ Baz’s father says, and I look back at them.

‘I’ve never dated a girl either, but that doesn’t seem to be a problem,’ says Baz.

‘Would it kill you to at least talk to her?’

‘Need I remind you that I’m already dead?’

I whip around to stare at Penny again, gesturing wildly. _Vampire_ , I mouth, eyes wide. She shakes her head, swatting my arm back down to my side.

‘Basilton!’ his father snaps, loud enough that I’d have heard it even if I wasn’t eavesdropping. A few heads turn, and I take a tiny step towards Baz, too small to draw attention to myself.

‘I’m serious,’ says Baz’s father. ‘I don’t understand why someone of your – of your status should still not have found someone in your last year.’

I look at Penny. She has that outraged look that she gets when she’s about to go on a rant, the one you don’t want to be on the wrong side of. I get it. I’ve never heard anybody speak to Baz like this, like he’s less than perfect. Like there’s something left to be desired.

Baz won’t meet his father’s eye. ‘I don’t know what to tell you,’ he says.

‘Don’t disappoint me,’ his father says. ‘You know how important this is to your family. Don’t disappoint your mo-’

Before I know what I’m doing, I stride around the side of the car, and both Baz and his father turn to look at me. Baz’s father looks annoyed that I’ve interrupted, and there’s a flicker of something I can’t read on Baz’s face before he’s wearing his usual cold sneer. I ignore it, moving into his space, and before he can step away and ruin my whole plan – not that it’s much of a plan – I slip an arm around his waist.

‘Hi, Baz,’ I say, heart pounding. I turn my head so my chin is on his shoulder and his dark grey eyes are inches from mine, and give him my softest smile. ‘I missed you.’

I keep my eyes on Baz’s, refusing to even acknowledge that his father is there. My arm around him tightens, and I will him to respond, even though I’m starting to realise this was probably a mistake. I’ve just given him the perfect chance to embarrass me.

Then I feel Baz’s arm go around me.

‘Simon,’ he says, and my smile widens. Not Snow.

‘Hey,’ I say.

For one second we just stand there and stare at each other and there’s nothing and no-one else that matters except the two of us and that look he’s giving me, the crease between his eyebrows, the little bend in his nose that shouldn’t be there, and his eyes that suddenly don’t look so cold. They’re more like charcoal. And then Baz’s father clears his throat and we both turn to look back at him, still glued to each other.

‘Uh, hi,’ I stutter, holding out the arm that isn’t around Baz’s waist. ‘I’m – I’m Simon. Snow.’

Seconds pass – four, five, six – and then Baz’s father finally takes my hand, his grip slack.

‘Simon Snow,’ he says. ‘Yes.’ I let go of his hand, and his arm hangs there for a second before he pulls it back. ‘Yes. It’s… nice to meet you.’

‘You too, Mr Pitch,’ I say, and then remember that he’s not technically a Pitch, but neither of them corrects me.

‘I suppose I should… let you get settled in,’ he says, taking a step back. ‘I’ll see you at graduation, then. Both of you.’ He nods at me, and then at Baz, and gets back into his car. We watch him back out and drive away, still holding on to each other until his car is out of sight.

As soon as he’s gone, Baz steps away, almost shoving me off him, gives me a furious glare and then marches towards the castle. I want to run after him, explain myself, that it was the only thing I could think to do and that I hated how his father spoke to him, but I know I won’t be able to get the words out.

‘Simon, what the fuck?’ Penny says, dragging my attention away from Baz.

‘I don’t – I don’t really know,’ I say.

‘I’m surprised he was so civil,’ she says, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards the castle. ‘I thought he would tell you to stay away from his precious Old Family heir. Did you forget that you’re mortal enemies?’

‘No,’ I say. ‘Yes. I don’t know.’

‘Is Malcolm Grimm really going to let this slide?’ she continues. ‘He’ll probably take it up with the Mage, or something. The Mage won’t be any happier to hear about it.’

‘I can’t believe Baz went along with it,’ I say. ‘What was I thinking?’

Penny pats my arm and sighs. ‘Oh, Simon, you clearly weren’t.’

 

*

 

I trail Baz back to our room, still carrying my bag (I didn’t bring much with me, but since I stayed over at Penny’s for Christmas I’ve now got a new jumper, some gingerbread biscuits, some crayon drawings from the little ones, and Martin Bunce gave me a book on magickal ecology). I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to explain myself. First the eavesdropping, then pretending to be his boyfriend.

Maybe I should say I was just doing it to fuck with him.

The door still recognises me and swings open. Baz is at his wardrobe hanging up a jacket. He whirls around and glowers at me.

‘Snow. What. The _fuck_. Was that?’

I hold my hands up in front of my chest. ‘Look, I panicked, okay? I didn’t know what to do.’

‘And shutting up and staying out of it never crossed your simple mind?’

‘I wasn’t thinking,’ I say. ‘I just did the first thing that came into my head.’

‘And the first thing that came into your head was to pretend to be my boyfriend.’ He takes a step towards me, sneering.

‘I was just trying to help.’

Baz folds his arms across his chest. ‘You think making my father think I’m dating the Mage’s Heir was helping?’

 _The Mage’s Heir_. I hate when he calls me that. More than I hate that he won’t ever say my first name.

‘You went along with it,’ I say, crossing my arms to mirror him.

‘You didn’t leave me much choice,’ Baz says. ‘You would have embarrassed me either way.’

I huff and storm over to my bed, throwing my bag down on the floor with more force than I probably should have considering there are biscuits and a book in there.

‘Fine,’ I say. ‘I’m sorry. I was trying to help.’

‘I don’t need help from _you_ ,’ Baz spits.

I sit on the edge of my bed, facing him, my hands balling into fists. ‘I just hated the way he was speaking to you,’ I say, even though Baz has obviously decided he doesn’t care why I did it.

He turns away, back to the wardrobe, so I can’t see his face. It takes a moment before he answers.

‘You shouldn’t listen to other people’s conversations,’ he says coldly.

‘Yeah, well, your family wants to kill me, so…’

‘Exactly,’ Baz says. ‘Didn’t think of that when you had your arms around me, did you?’

‘Alright,’ I growl. ‘I get it. It was stupid.’

‘I’m glad we agree.’ He slams the wardrobe shut and then does the same to the door of our room. I sigh and lie back on my bed.

Of course Baz doesn’t want his father to think he’s dating me, of all people.

 _Stupid_.

 

*

 

Agatha’s giggling, one hand over her mouth and the other holding a glass, water threatening to spill over the edges.

‘Sorry, sorry,’ she says, putting the glass down on the table. ‘You pretended you were dating Baz? _Why?_ ’

I sigh, though my mouth turns up at the corners. Agatha’s laugh is infectious, and I don’t get to hear it often. Not like this, with her shoulders shaking and her eyes squinted. It suits her.

‘His father was being a git,’ I mumble.

‘But it’s Baz,’ says Agatha. ‘You’re not even gay.’ She pauses. ‘Are you? Are you bi?’

I shrug. (I’m not even sure I know what that means.)

‘What did he say?’ Agatha asks.

‘The usual,’ I say. ‘And that I embarrassed him.’

Agatha’s face falls and I turn my head away, staring down at the table.

‘Fuck him,’ says Agatha earnestly. I can’t help smiling again. (She doesn’t swear very often.)

Penny looks thoughtful. ‘Did you tell him why you did it?’

‘Yes,’ I say. I groan. ‘He hates me. I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea.’

‘Hey, it got Malcolm Grimm to leave, didn’t it?’ Penny says. ‘So I’d say mission accomplished.’

I shrug. ‘Maybe.’

Agatha’s gaze turns to something over my head and she sits up suddenly. I turn around and see Baz coming towards us.

‘Fuck,’ I mumble. He’s changed into his uniform since we got here, his blazer and tie in perfect place as always, hair hanging loosely around his face. It’s gotten longer since the beginning of the school year, and it looks good. He looks good. And his grey eyes with the storm clouds are trained right on me.

I expect him to stop behind me, but instead he goes to the empty seat on my left. He rests one hand on my shoulder while he pulls out the chair with his other hand, and I can still feel the light pressure of his touch after it’s gone. He sits in the chair and turns himself to face me.

‘Simon,’ he says.

I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes to my head.

He leans forward and reaches out to swipe his thumb across my cheek. I pull my head back out of his reach.

‘Sauce,’ he says by way of explanation, and cracks a lopsided smile. Something twinges in my gut. ‘Just as attractive as always.’

I gape at him. This wouldn’t be the first time Baz has pointed out that I have food on my face, but it’s definitely the first time he’s been kind about it.

‘Bunce, Wellbelove,’ he says, nodding to each of the girls. ‘Did you have a nice Christmas break?’

What the fuck?

Penny and Agatha obviously share my feelings about this, exchanging quick glances and then looking back at Baz. Agatha looks confused. Penny’s expression is bordering on gleeful.

‘Um,’ says Agatha. ‘Yes, it was lovely.’

‘Excellent,’ says Baz. ‘Penelope?’

‘Yeah, great,’ says Penny. ‘Lots of time to do extra study, so don’t think I’m going easy on you this year.’

‘Of course not,’ says Baz, looking genuinely insulted. I’m turning my head from side to side watching them all speak, and I still have no idea what’s going on. Then I feel Baz’s hand brush against mine, and suddenly our fingers are laced together, hands resting on the tabletop.

‘Uh,’ I say, swallowing. ‘I think – me and Baz are – we have to talk,’ I say, standing up quickly. Baz doesn’t let go of my hand, standing up too.

‘Yeah, I think you do,’ says Penny. ‘Good luck.’ She smirks.

As we’re walking out of the dining hall, Baz ducks his head next to mine.

‘Better get used to the staring,’ he murmurs, and I resist the urge to put some distance between us. I peer around and realise that he’s right; at least half the school is watching us.

As soon as we reach Mummers House, I wrench my hand out of his grasp. We walk silently up the stairs to our room, Baz following a few steps behind me.

‘What are you doing?’ I stammer, after he shuts the door.

He strides past me into the room. ‘You started it. Now it’s only fair that you go along with it.’

‘But _why_?’

‘Because my father believes we’re dating, and so does my entire family, and soon enough my sister will talk to her friends and all the Old Families will know. That means someone’s going to figure out it was a ruse sooner rather than later.’

‘So?’

Baz rolls his eyes and walks towards the bathroom. ‘So we have to convince everyone,’ he says over his shoulder. ‘Or my father is going to have a lot of questions.’

He closes the door and I sit on my bed, frowning.

Baz already told me I’d embarrassed him in front of his father. Now what would his father think if he knew Baz had just pretended to date me? Just to prove him wrong, only for it to turn out that he’d been right all along.

 _Don’t disappoint your mother._ Just thinking about it makes my throat close over. How can he try to make Baz feel ashamed? What would it do to Baz for his father to see him vulnerable like this?

Baz is right; I’m the one who started this. It’s my fault he’s in this situation in the first place, so I have to help him get out of it by going along with this. I have to pretend to be Baz’s boyfriend.

Alright, then. I can do this. I can talk to him and sit with him in classes and pretend like we don’t hate each other. I can hold his hand and let him wipe sauce off my face.

No problem at all.

So why is my heart racing?


	2. Chapter 2

‘You have to sit with us at meals. I’m not talking to Dev and Niall.’

‘I wouldn’t ask you to.’

‘You can’t flirt with Agatha.’

Baz sits down on his bed, staring me down. ‘Neither can you.’

I turn so we’re face-to-face and cross my legs. ‘And you have to be nice to my friends.’

‘If I’m sitting with you and being civil to you, then you have to at least _try_ not to embarrass me with your table manners.’

‘Then you have to eat,’ I say. I don’t know where that one came from. ‘And you have to pull out my chair, since you’re such a gentleman.’

‘Fine,’ says Baz. ‘You have to open doors for me.’

‘You have to call me darling,’ I say, snickering.

Baz grimaces. ‘There’s a line, Snow.’

I lean forward. ‘You can’t call me Snow.’

He sighs. ‘I can still call you Snow in our room. Also, you can’t accuse me of plotting, trying to kill you, or being undead.’

I bite my lip. I guess I shouldn’t tell him that I heard him say it himself. I probably shouldn’t tell anyone else, either.

‘But you’re all three,’ I quip.

‘I’m not plotting to kill you, Snow,’ he says. ‘Then I’d have to pretend to cry over your dead body and I just don’t think I could put on a convincing performance.’

I open my mouth to say something – ungrateful git, I’m the one doing this for him – but bite back my response.

‘Truce,’ I say instead, holding my hand out over the space between our beds. ‘No plotting and no politics until this is over.’

Baz purses his lips. ‘You can’t talk to the Mage,’ he says.

‘I can’t just not talk to the Mage,’ I say, dropping my hand. ‘He’s my mentor. He’s the leader of the school.’

‘Fine,’ says Baz. ‘No talking to the Mage about politics or the Old Families.’

‘What if he talks to me about politics or the Old Families?’

‘Then you change the topic, or make some excuse to leave.’

I open my mouth to protest, and then sigh. ‘Fine.’ The Mage is probably too busy to talk to me anyway, and if he does, it’ll be about the Humdrum. ‘Same goes for you, then.’

‘Deal,’ says Baz, and holds out his hand. We shake on it, and Baz stands up to leave.

‘Wait,’ I say. ‘What do we say when people ask us how we got together? You know they will.’

‘We tell them all those years of antagonism were just our feeble attempt at hiding the fact that we’re desperately attracted to each other,’ Baz says, ‘obviously.’

‘Oh.’

‘Also,’ he adds, just before he leaves. ‘Everyone knows you’ve always been obsessed with me.’

The door slams shut behind him.

‘Fuck you,’ I say to the empty room, glad he can’t see me blush.

 

*

 

The first morning of our fake relationship, we walk down to breakfast holding hands.

‘Take my hand,’ Baz commands as soon as we step out of our room.

‘Now?’

‘Yes.’

‘Oh – okay.’ I hold out my right hand, and he takes it with his left. His hands are cold – I guess it’s what I expected, since he’s a vampire and all – but it shocks me at first. He brushes his thumb over the back of my hand once, so softly it was probably an accident, and I hold my breath.

It’s weird, holding hands with Baz, walking into the dining hall side by side. Everything feels wrong, out of place. But I’m not sure I dislike it.

Heads turn when we walk in together. Penny and Agatha look shocked for a second and then turn to each other, whispering furiously. Dev and Niall are at Baz’s usual table, with matching slack-jawed expressions. I snicker.

‘Something funny?’ Baz says.

‘Everyone’s staring,’ I whisper back, and he gives me a tiny smile and squeezes my hand, shifting closer to me.

Right. Fake boyfriends. I can do this, even though Baz smiling at me with his eyes all soft and crinkled at the corners is the most confusing picture I’ve ever seen. I gulp.

‘Good morning,’ says Penny when we reach the table.

Baz lets go of my hand and pulls out the chair, gesturing for me to sit.

‘Thanks,’ I mumble, feeling myself turn red. We both sit down.

‘Good morning, ladies,’ Baz says to the girls. ‘Did you have a good night’s sleep? Not up too late studying, I hope?’ He looks at Penny when he says the last bit.

‘Nope. Didn’t need to be,’ she says, then waves her arm at him. ‘But that’s not important. You two have a lot of explaining to do.’

‘Yes, well, Simon and I are together,’ he says casually.

I lean over. ‘We’re not lying to Penny and Agatha,’ I hiss.

Baz rolls his eyes. ‘Whatever you say, darling.’

I fight the urge to look away. ‘Fine, can you pass the butter, _sweetheart_?’

Is he blushing? Can Baz even blush? His cheeks might be a bit pink, but then I think I might be imagining it.

‘Sure, babe,’ he says, no hint of irony in his tone, and passes me the butter.

‘Thanks,’ I mumble. Damn it. I think that means I lost.

I look up and realise Agatha’s almost convulsing in silent laughter, her shoulders shaking and her head in her hands.

Baz leans over, placing one hand on my shoulder and talking in a low voice. ‘Don’t look so shy, _darling_.’

I feel his breath on my ear, and I shiver. Baz gives me a winning smirk and pulls back. It’s completely unfair that he can’t blush and my face is flaming like I’m about to go off.

‘Don’t call me that,’ I say finally.

Baz grins. ‘Changed your mind, have you?’

‘It’s just, it’s too weird,’ I say. ‘Just call me Simon. Please.’

‘Sure, Simon,’ he says, taking my hand again. ‘Whatever you want.’

 

*

 

As soon as we get back to our room, Baz drops my hand and takes three steps away from me. I pretend like I don’t notice or care, marching over to my desk to grab the books I need for the day.

‘New rule,’ I say. ‘No pet names.’

‘You were the one who suggested it.’

I growl. ‘I know. I wasn’t being serious.’

‘Fine by me,’ says Baz.

‘Also, next time someone says we look cute together, you have to at least pretend you think it’s a compliment.’

‘It took me by surprise, Snow,’ he says. ‘That’s all.’

It took me by surprise too, but I didn’t look as disgruntled as Baz did when the sixth-year girl said it to us, right after breakfast.

‘Well, you have to act like you actually like me,’ I insist.

Baz holds my gaze for a long moment, and then turns away. ‘I know,’ he says. ‘I don’t even know how to begin.’

 

*

 

We sit together in classes, sometimes holding hands under the desk, sometimes leaning over to check our answers with each other. That is, me leaning over so Baz can help me figure out what the hell I’m supposed to be doing. And he lets me. He’s endlessly patient with me, explaining things over and over in this low, steady voice I don’t recognise at all. He doesn’t mock me when I botch up a spell or an answer, telling me instead to try again.

‘It’s okay,’ he says. ‘You’ll get it. You just need a little more time than the rest of us.’

I’m fully aware that he’s still calling me slow. But he’s doing it nicely, somehow, and even though I know the niceness is only an act, it doesn’t hurt when he says it like that.

By the end of the first day, the entire year knows about us. People keep coming up to congratulate us and tell us how cute we are together.

‘I always thought you two hated each other,’ says Rhys.

‘We’re both very good at pretending,’ says Baz. I’ve never seen him speak to Rhys before, but I guess dating me suddenly makes him approachable. ‘Probably too much for our own good,’ he adds, slipping an arm around my waist. I lean into him without even thinking about it.

Rhys laughs. ‘I’m happy for you,’ he says, and then wheels down the hallway in front of us. There are still a few other stragglers around, so Baz keeps his arm around me as we follow him out to the courtyard.

‘I like this better than fighting,’ he says.

I sigh. ‘Me too,’ I say, looking up at him so our noses are just inches apart. And I mean it; I like when he’s gentle with me, and I like not having to watch my back all the time, knowing he’s right next to me.

 

*

 

By the end of the week, the entire school knows. According to Baz, this means that word has definitely gotten back to his family. I want to ask if he’s spoken to them, if they gave him a hard time about it, but he won’t talk to me about it when we’re outside the room and he’ll barely talk to me at all when we’re inside. Except to update me on how far he thinks the rumours have spread. And to tell me what is and isn’t acceptable. (Pet names are off limits. Hand-holding and arm-touching is fine, but I can’t touch his hair. I can ask him to bring me more scones, but I can’t try to make him eat. Gentle teasing is the only form of flirting allowed. Anyone who asks too many questions gets the death-stare until they leave us alone.)

It’s been… it’s actually been great. Baz talks to Penny and even Agatha a lot during meals, so nobody minds if I’m quiet. He debates magickal law with Penny, and talks about mutual acquaintances with Agatha. She even tells him about her Normal friends and the things she likes better about her Normal life, and he listens.

One time when the four of us are studying in the library and the girls get distracted looking through one of the books, I lean into Baz, so close my chin is almost resting on his shoulder.

‘Is this the real you when you’re not actively trying to be a git?’ I ask, smiling like I’m teasing him, even though I’m completely serious. ‘Or is this you trying to be nice when you’re actually a git?’

Baz rolls his eyes. ‘Fuck off, Snow,’ he says.

‘Simon,’ I say immediately.

He sighs. ‘Fuck off, _Simon_.’ He tugs lightly on one of my curls, pulling it behind my ear. I want to protest – he’s allowed to touch my hair, but I’m not allowed to touch his? – but I can’t bring myself to do it. (The truth is, I don’t mind.)

I notice that I didn’t get an answer, but it’s time for us all to pack up and go down to dinner, so I don’t push it.

 

*

 

While Penny’s gone to talk to her roommate (probably complaining about the pixie dust again), Niall slips into her empty seat, his gaze flicking from Baz to me. I grab Baz’s hand instinctively.

Niall gives us a lazy smirk. ‘This is fake. Right?’

I pull my hand out of Baz’s grasp. ‘You haven’t told them?’

I guess it explains why we never talk to his friends, even though they always used to sit together at meals and in classes. Not that it matters; Niall’s figured it out anyway. I don’t really know what we’re doing wrong. Niall’s smirk is confident, like he’s absolutely sure, like he knows it’s impossible. Why is it so impossible?

‘No,’ Baz says, and takes my hand again. I gape at him. ‘Simon’s my boyfriend.’ And he leans over and kisses me on the cheek.

‘Are you fucking with me?’ Niall says. ‘Are you serious?’

‘Of course I’m serious,’ Baz says, tightening his grip on my hand. ‘He’s… I don’t care if you have a problem with it. Or the Families. I choose him over everything.’

_Oh_. How does he do that? How does he always know the perfect thing to say?

I shift closer to him, touching my forehead to his shoulder, one arm around his waist.

‘Baz,’ I mumble. I feel the weight of his palm on my back.

‘Oh, _Crowley_ ,’ Niall’s voice says, and then there’s a screeching of chair legs on the floor, and he’s gone.

I lift my head. ‘You’re a sap,’ I say. I don’t want to let go of him just yet.

‘Shut up.’

‘The great Basilton Pitch, hopeless romantic,’ I say. ‘Who would’ve thought?’

‘Shut up or I’ll dump your sorry arse,’ Baz says, shoving me off him.

I laugh. ‘I don’t believe you.’

Baz doesn’t answer, and I follow his gaze to where Niall is walking back to their usual table. He says something to Dev, and they both look over at us.

At the same time, Baz and I reach for each other’s hands.

 

*

 

I’m fighting a smile as we climb the stairs of Mummers House, hands still tightly clasped together.

I like this. I like us being on the same side, for once, and Baz telling Niall off for me. I should probably tell Baz. I want him to know that I don’t like fighting, that when this is over I think we should keep the truce.

The door closes behind us and I’m about to say it, but then Baz drops my hand and steps away, his expression stony.

‘I don’t trust them,’ he says. ‘Dev is my cousin, Niall tells Dev everything, and they both belong to the Old Families.’

‘I – oh.’

‘We don’t tell them,’ he says. ‘Alright? Not them, not anyone else except for Bunce and Wellbelove.’

‘Fine. Of course,’ I say.

‘Good.’

He disappears into the bathroom.

I stand there for a long minute, staring after him, before I turn around and head back down the stairs. I don’t want to be in the room with him, refusing to look at me or talk to me. I can’t stand it, not after what just happened in the dining hall. I run back down to see if I can catch Penny before she leaves for the Cloisters. I find her outside on the footpath.

‘Simon,’ she says, not looking surprised to see me. ‘What happened back there?’

We change direction and walk out towards the Great Lawn, huddling in our jumpers against the chill. I explain what happened with Niall, and tell her word-for-word what Baz said about us.

‘Crowley,’ she says. ‘ _I choose you over everything_. He said that?’

‘Yeah.’ I stick my hands in my pockets and duck my head.

‘That’s… kind of beautiful.’

‘Yeah,’ I say again.

‘And he kissed your cheek.’

‘He did,’ I agree.

Penny raises an eyebrow. ‘I find that… surprising. Don’t you have rules, or something? I’ve never seen you do more than hold hands.’

‘We do,’ I say. ‘They’re mostly Baz’s rules. We didn’t say anything about… kissing.’ I’m blushing again, I just know it. ‘We hold hands whenever we’re outside the room, but then he still acts like he hates me when no-one can see us.’

‘Do you think he hates you?’

I bite my lip. ‘I - Of course,’ I say quickly. ‘We’re enemies. We’re still going to have to fight each other.’

Penny walks on silently, nodding, and I know she noticed that I hesitated.

‘As for the rules…’ I say. ‘I don’t know. I’ll probably have to kiss him eventually, right? Niall already thinks we’re faking it. People will realise. Niall will realise if we don’t.’

‘Mm,’ Penny says.

‘It’ll be weird,’ I say. ‘If we don’t kiss. I don’t even know if… it’s definitely not in the rules. But he kissed my cheek, and _that_ wasn’t in the rules, and we’re dating. So. I’m gonna have to kiss him at some point, right?’

I look at her for confirmation.

‘Simon,’ Penny says. ‘Do you _want_ to kiss him?’

I gulp. ‘Yeah,’ I say. (Because it’s the truth.)

‘Then I think you should go for it.’


	3. Chapter 3

Baz and I walk down to breakfast on Sunday bickering.

‘You do it just to piss me off,’ I’m insisting.

‘It’s not my fault you can’t figure out how to cast a simple spell,’ Baz sneers.

‘You’re just showing off!’

‘You’re the one who keeps opening the window!’

‘Yeah, but at least I’m making the effort to get up and do it,’ I say, tugging on his hand to lead him across the dining hall.

‘That’s because you’re an idiot who doesn’t know how to use magic,’ Baz says.

‘You could just use more blankets.’

‘I shouldn’t need to.’

‘What am I supposed to do, then? It’s boiling with the window closed.’

‘It’s the fucking middle of winter.’

I harrumph. ‘So spell yourself warm if you’re so brilliant,’ I say.

Baz snorts. ‘Crowley. How can I be in love with such a git?’

I stumble, and Baz’s other hand comes up to my arm, steadying me.

‘Careful there, Chosen One. Can’t have you injuring yourself before you save the world, can we?’

‘Says the one plotting to kill me,’ I mumble. I realise we’ve drawn the attention of everyone at the tables around us, and I wish I could cast **nothing to see here** on all of them.

Baz scoffs. ‘I was never plotting to kill you, you dimwit.’ He pulls out my chair, but I stay standing. I point a finger at him.

‘That’s a fucking lie,’ I say.

‘No need to poke my eye out,’ he says, grabbing my hand. He sits down, tugging on my hand so I do the same. ‘Besides, I’m serious.’

I roll my eyes. ‘The stairs?’

Baz laughs. ‘An accident.’

‘Yeah, right,’ I say, and Baz’s face falls. (Could he be telling the truth?) (But then, this whole conversation is just for show.) ‘What about the chimera?’

‘I just wanted to scare you,’ he says.

‘Hmph.’

What about the voice snatching? But Baz’s grip on my hand has tightened, to the point where it almost hurts, and so I don’t bring it up.

‘Alright,’ I concede. ‘We were thirteen, so I’ll give you the chimera.’

But he’s not even listening anymore. ‘Simon, I’m serious. I don’t care about the war.’

I roll my eyes. There’s silence around us, like everyone’s holding their breath.

‘At least, not like I care about you,’ he says, touching my cheek lightly so I can’t turn away. ‘Okay?’

I swallow down the lump in my throat. ‘I know,’ I say.

‘Good.’ And with one sweep of his haughty stare, all the faces around us turn away.

I wait until they’ve all stopped paying attention before I lean over to Baz.

‘You can’t say things like that,’ I whisper.

‘Like what?’

‘You know.’

‘I can’t say that I care about you?’ he says, sounding hurt.

‘You can’t lie to me that the war and everything is just forgotten when we both know it’s not true,’ I whisper furiously. ‘It’s not fair.’

‘What do you want me to say, then?’

‘I don’t know.’ I lean away from him, spearing a sausage and refusing to look at him. (I’m not doing a very good job of pretending.)

‘I thought you were okay with this,’ he says, his eyes never leaving my face.

‘I am. I just – just don’t say things you don’t mean.’

‘That’s what we’re both doing, Snow. That’s kind of the point.’

I sigh. He’s right. I don’t even know why I’m arguing with him. ‘Can we not do this here?’ I whisper.

‘Okay,’ he says. He starts rubbing gentle circles over my back. ‘I’m sorry,’ he says, and I’m not sure exactly what he’s apologising for, but I know people are still watching us, so I figure it’s for their benefit.

Penny finally arrives, dropping a plate on the table across from us. ‘And how are you two lovebirds this morning?’ she says, giving me a pointed stare. Right. The kiss.

I shake my head.

‘We’re fine, thank you,’ says Baz. Before he can say anything else, Agatha slides into the seat next to Penny and leans across the table conspiratorially.

‘What’s it like dating a vampire?’ she asks.

Baz gives her a frosty glare. I cough. ‘It’s, um. He’s – um.’

Agatha smiles. ‘I’m kidding,’ she says.

Baz nudges me with his elbow. ‘What have you been telling them about me?’

‘Nothing,’ I say.

He raises an eyebrow. ‘Clearly.’

‘Shut up. It was fifth year,’ I say, even though we all know I still think he’s a vampire, and we all know he _is_ a vampire. (Except maybe Agatha – she wasn’t there when Baz said it to his father, but she must believe it by now too.)

‘Ah, yes,’ says Baz. ‘The year you followed me at every hour of the day.’

My face heats up. ‘Couldn’t stand to be apart from you,’ I say, ‘ _sweetie-pie_.’

‘Oh, _Crowley_ ,’ gripes Penny, turning away.

Baz recoils. ‘No.’

‘You called me Chosen One.’

‘That’s not a pet name.’

‘Well, I hate it,’ I say.

‘Why?’ Baz asks, lifting his chin to stare me down. ‘I choose you, Simon Snow.’

I close my eyes. (Why is it that even when it comes to fake dating Baz can always rile me up more than I can get to him?) ‘Stop.’

I open my eyes to find Baz smiling at me, with only a hint of his usual superior smirk. He’s all sparkling eyes and soft edges, and it sets my skin prickling with magic.

‘Stop doing that,’ I say.

‘Doing what?’

‘That.’ I wave my hand at his face.

His smile widens. ‘This is my face, Snow. Do you have a problem with it?’

I growl. ‘No.’ (Unfortunately.) (Maybe _that’s_ the problem.)

‘I should hope not,’ says Baz, taking my hand again.

Penny catches my eye, and I give her a tiny nod.

I told her that I wanted to kiss him.

And now he’s just made me more determined to go through with it.

 

*

 

I watch him at football practice. (It’s not much different to before we were ‘dating’, really.) (He’s amazing to watch, as always.)

I wait for him while he showers and changes, and then we go to the library and study together. We’ve made more than enough of an appearance for the day and I’m expecting us to go back to the room and back to ignoring each other, but it doesn’t happen. A few hours into studying and griping at each other (doing the same thing we always do, really, just with more eye contact and gentle shoves), Baz goes off to bring lunch for both of us.

‘I could get used to this,’ I tell him when he comes back with sandwiches.

‘Well, don’t,’ he says, and I look away quickly. ‘You’re getting them next time,’ he adds. I try not to smile.

Even though - fine, maybe Baz was right - it was an especially cold night last night, the evening is warmer, the first in a while where it’s not raining. After dinner, I stand up and reach for Baz’s hand. I wonder if he can tell when my heartrate picks up, what with his vampire senses. (I hope not, otherwise he probably knows what I’m planning.)

‘Let’s go for a walk,’ I say.

He frowns, but stands up too. ‘Okay.’

We start walking along the path towards the Wavering Wood, but then I change direction and take us up to the ramparts. From there, we can see a group of fourth years out on the pitch kicking a football around, and another group goading the merwolves in the moat. Somewhere in the Cloisters, a window opens and a girl yells at them to stop.

There’s a gust of wind and I shiver, leaning into Baz’s side. Below us, the kids by the moat laugh and start moving back into the school. I see a couple of them look up in our direction, pointing.

‘I’m not going to offer you my jacket, Snow, if that’s what you want,’ Baz says, his low voice in my ear.

‘I don’t need your jacket,’ I say. ‘I’m not the one who keeps complaining about the cold.’

‘Fair point,’ he says.

Below, there’s a screech and the sound of laughter, and two girls break out from the group, chasing each other towards the Cloisters.

I shift even closer to Baz.

‘Do you think they can see us?’ I ask, just for something to say, something to think about other than my racing heart. I let go of his hand so I can place mine on his lower back.

‘Yes,’ says Baz. ‘If we can see them, they can see us.’

‘But do you think they’re watching?’

‘Yes,’ he says again. ‘You know what happens when couples go up on the ramparts, don’t you, Snow?’

I huff. ‘Of course I know.’

I turn so I’m facing him, and Baz mirrors me. My hand slips to his waist, and I reach up with my other hand, brushing a loose strand of hair behind his ear. (Fuck the rules.) His grey eyes never leave mine, and they’re darker than I’ve ever seen them. (And I’ve been paying attention.) I lean in, close enough that I can sense his breath quicken, and then I close my eyes and press my lips to his.

It’s nothing like I thought it would be. It’s better. It’s slow and breathless and I don’t have to think about what I’m doing, I just push, and he pushes back. I open my mouth, and Baz does the same. When I run my hand through his hair (seriously, fuck the rules), his hands come up to my cheeks. They’re cold. _He_ is so cold, and night has fallen around us, and it’s perfect.

It takes a long time (maybe it’s only seconds, maybe it’s minutes, maybe time is literally standing still because we’re magic and everything is possible) before I hear the wolf whistles from below. I pull away, keeping one hand on the back of Baz’s neck, but he steps out of my grasp.

‘Why did you do that?’ he asks, his voice so low it’s almost a growl.

I breathe in and out quickly, trying to steady myself. (I’m a bit dizzy. It’s embarrassing.) ‘I just – I thought – they’re watching and –’

‘You don’t have to do that,’ Baz says. ‘That wasn’t part of the deal.’

‘I –’ I search his face, trying to find some hint of what just happened in his eyes, in the grim line of his mouth, but there’s nothing.

‘Let’s just go back,’ he says. He stalks ahead of me, pulling open the door and climbing back down the stairs, and there’s nothing for me to do but follow.

I fucked up. I realise that. I overstepped a line, and acted like I thought this meant something, and it doesn’t. This is about Baz’s family and my stupid mistake, and nothing else.

But he kissed me back.

When we get outside, Baz holds out his hand, and I take it. We walk back towards Mummers House and the fourth years give us knowing smirks, and I avoid their gazes, blushing just like I’m supposed to.

I look everywhere except for Baz’s face as we walk. My magic crackles in the air between us, and I know he feels it, though he doesn’t say anything. I don’t want to know what he’s thinking. When we get to the top of the stairs of Mummers House, he drops my hand and walks back down without a word.

I guess he’s going to the Catacombs to feed.

I guess I should be using this fake dating thing to try to get him to confess that he’s a vampire, or something. But we did call a truce, and I’m not going to break it. I haven’t even spoken to the Mage since we started ‘dating’, and if the Mage has heard about it, it doesn’t seem to concern him. Maybe he thinks I can keep an eye on Baz better this way. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, and all that. I don’t know if Baz has spoken to his family, or if they think that’s what _he_ ’s doing, too. If both sides think that, we can probably just stop pretending.

I sigh, going to sit down on my bed, waiting for him to come back. Even though I know when he comes back he’ll just pretend I’m not here. Or maybe the kiss freaked him out enough that he’ll call the whole thing off.

I hear Penny’s voice in my head asking me – what do _you_ want, Simon? Do you want him to call the whole thing off?

No. Maybe. This hurts, but fighting him hurts more.

I guess I just want to go back to how we were before the kiss.

 

*

 

Baz comes back after midnight.

‘I’m sorry,’ I say as soon as the door opens. ‘I should have asked.’

He sighs. ‘Just don’t do it again.’

I bite my lip, ignoring the kick in my gut. ‘Obviously.’

He looks like he’s about to say something, but then he turns away and goes into the bathroom to change.

I have so many questions. Like, did he really hate it? And has he spoken to his family, and what do they think about all this, and what does it mean for the war?

And, why did he kiss me back?

And, does he still hate me?

But I don’t ask any of them, because I don’t think I’ll like any of the answers.

 

*

 

In the morning, it’s like the kiss never happened. Baz says good morning when he wakes up – which is an improvement on most days, really – his pitch-black hair all mussed on his pillow, eyes bleary from sleep.

 _My boyfriend_. The word crosses my mind, and I shove it away. (Because he’s not really mine.)

We lean into each other and I gripe about Baz’s posh shampoo on the way to breakfast. He talks to Agatha and Penny about school while I listen and clutch his hand. (He’s left-handed, and I’m right-handed, so we’ve worked out a system where he always sits on my left and then we can hold hands at meals and in classes.)

I realise halfway through the day that everyone at school is so used to us that they don’t even look at us twice anymore. The only looks we get are envious ones, and then I straighten up and hold him tighter and think how astounding it is that _I’m_ the one who gets to do that. And then I remember that it’s not really astounding at all, because he’s not really mine.


	4. Chapter 4

‘Hey, Baz,’ I say, chewing the end of my pencil. ‘Can you come over here?’

There’s a long silence. ‘Why?’

Right. I almost forgot that we don’t talk to each other in our room.

‘I’m just working on my Politickal Science essay,’ I falter. ‘I was hoping…’

He sighs loudly, but then he’s standing behind me, peering over my shoulder. My breathing quickens.

‘What do you need?’ he says.

I open the textbook and show him the part that I don’t understand.

Baz scoffs. ‘The textbook is shit. If the Mage hadn’t banned…’ he trails off, and I feel the weight of his hand on the back of my chair. ‘Never mind. Look.’

He casts **see what I mean** and starts writing in the air with his wand. I know I should be paying attention so I don’t have to bug Penny later, but I can’t help watching him instead of the words. I watch his profile, how his lips move and his eyes narrow in concentration as he talks, the words floating in the air in front of his face.

‘Simon, are you even paying attention?’

I blink. ‘Sorry.’

He sighs. ‘For Crowley’s sake.’

‘Wait,’ I say, leaning out of my chair to grab his wrist before he can leave. ‘I’m sorry. I’m paying attention.’

‘Too late,’ says Baz. His hand curls around my wrist and he pulls me to my feet. ‘We’re getting Bunce.’

Halfway down the stairs, I stop.

Baz almost trips and grabs onto my arm to steady himself. ‘Crowley. What now?’

‘You called me Simon,’ I say.

‘I always call you Simon.’

‘Not in our room, you don’t.’ Then I look around quickly. (I’m being too loud.)

He sighs again. ‘You’re insufferable.’

We start walking again. Baz wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me close to him.

‘And you’re…’

I don’t even have a word for him.

 

*

 

In the library, Baz and Penny sit in the only two available armchairs. I sit next to Baz’s legs, leaning against the side of his chair, with my laptop balancing on my knees. They talk while I write my essay. I’ve discovered that those two never stop talking when they’re together.

‘He’s fascinating,’ Penny’s told me. ‘There aren’t many other people I can talk to about sixteenth century spells.’

It makes me wonder what happens when all of this is over. We haven’t talked about that. For all I know, we’re still going to be fake-dating at the Leavers Ball this year. (It’s only a few months away.) But if we have to go back to being enemies, what happens to Baz and Penny’s friendship?

I don’t think I can go back to being enemies.

I do finish my essay, and then I close the lid of my laptop and rest my head against Baz’s knee, closing my eyes. His fingers start combing through my hair, and along with Baz and Penny’s hushed voices, it lulls me to sleep.

When I open my eyes again, Baz is on the floor next to me, letting me use his shoulder as a pillow, his body keeping me from toppling over. His eyes are open, focused on the ceiling. Penny’s chair is empty.

‘Hey,’ I mumble.

‘Hi,’ he says.

‘Why are you on the floor?’

‘I didn’t want to wake you.’

‘Hmm,’ I say, smiling.

‘You’re about to miss dinner,’ he says, getting to his feet. I hold out a hand, and he pulls me up. ‘I’ll see you later, okay?’

‘Okay,’ I say. He leaves, and I stretch my arms over my head, yawning. I pick up my laptop and start walking towards the door, and then I pause.

Everything is quiet. (I mean, it _is_ the library, but it’s quieter than usual.) There’s a girl sitting at the end of one of the rows of shelves with a massive book in her lap, but other than her, the whole room is empty. There was no-one to see us.

 

*

 

Baz is already in the room when I get to the top of Mummers House, sitting cross-legged on his bed and frowning at his laptop screen. He doesn’t look up, even though I close the door a little louder than I had to.

‘Hi,’ I say carefully. (He can’t ignore me. Things are different now. Aren’t they?)

‘My family wants to meet you,’ he says, snapping his laptop shut.

‘I – oh.’ I glance at the window (I want to open it, but I don’t), and walk over to sit on the edge of my bed, facing Baz. ‘Okay, should I – I don’t have anything except the school uniform,’ I say, even though what to wear is the least scary thing about this.

It was scary enough when I met Agatha’s parents for the first time, and that was when I knew they wanted to like me. Baz’s parents already hate me. And his father and I clearly don’t see eye to eye. Plus I’ll probably stumble over my words or do something stupid (not unlike last time). And then there’s Baz’s aunt Fiona.

Baz is frowning. ‘What?’

‘I – I don’t have anything to wear,’ I say. ‘When are we meeting them? What should I say?’

His frown deepens. ‘It’s not going to happen,’ he says.

‘What?’

‘Obviously, I’m not letting you meet my family.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because,’ he says, sneering. ‘This –’ He gestures at the space between us. ‘You – _Crowley_ , Snow. They’ll tear you to shreds.’

I shrug. ‘So? That’s what parents do, right?’

He shakes his head. ‘Normal teenagers can bring their boyfriends home,’ he says. ‘Not me. Not when you’re the boyfriend.’

‘Because they hate me?’ I ask, leaning forward. ‘They already know we’re dating.’

‘Yes, but dating you and bringing you to meet my family are different things,’ he says. ‘Trust me, Snow. You don’t want to do this.’

‘I don’t care what they think,’ I say. ‘They don’t scare me.’

‘Maybe they should,’ he drawls.

‘Why do you care what they think?’ I ask, standing up. ‘Look, Baz – I really – I think we should go.’

‘Forget it,’ he snaps. ‘It’s not happening.’

‘But why?’

‘We’re not even really dating, so I don’t understand why you care.’

‘Because you think I’m not good enough for you!’

‘It doesn’t matter what I think! You’re the Mage’s Heir. I’m a Pitch.’ He stands up so we’re separated by his bed.

‘So what? I don’t care about the war!’ I realise I’m echoing his words from the other day. Baz’s hands clench into fists. (At least I’m getting a reaction from him.)

‘You’re still the Greatest Mage, whether you care about the war or not,’ he says.

‘I’m not the Greatest Mage!’ I want to reach across the bed and shake him. ‘I’m _Simon_. I’m your roommate. I’m your - why can’t you ever think of me like that?’

Baz sneers. ‘You think I’m evil. You’ve been trying to prove to your Mage that I’m a vampire since fifth year.’

‘I know you’re a vampire. I heard you say it.’

He recoils. ‘I did not.’

‘As good as, and I haven’t told anyone.’

Just like that, he’s calm again, his face like stone. ‘What’s your point?’

‘I –’ I stutter. ‘Your family already knows who I am. What difference does it make if I meet them?’

‘It just does, alright?’ he snaps.

‘Because you think I’ll embarrass you.’

‘Stop,’ he says. ‘Just stop. It’s not happening.’

‘I don’t even know why I’m doing this,’ I growl around the lump in my throat. ‘I’m doing this to _help_ you and as soon as we come back here you act like you don’t know me. I’m done. I’m fucking done.’

I should walk out, but instead I stand there, trying to steady my breathing, watching him. I don’t know what I’m waiting for. But I know that no matter what I said, I’m not done here. We’re not done here. (Baz and I are never done.)

There’s fire in his grey eyes.

‘Is that the only reason why you’re doing this?’ he says.

‘ _Yes_.’

He looks away, at the wall somewhere over my shoulder. ‘Fine,’ he says. ‘I appreciate what you’ve done. You can go tell your friends we’ve broken up.’

‘Fine,’ I say, and storm out the door without looking back.


	5. Chapter 5

I’ve been through a breakup once before, with Agatha. It was right at the beginning of the school year, when she said she thought we loved each other as friends, not as something else. I didn’t have to think about the way I should react at the time, how upset I should be, what I should say, because I’d already known for years that we were going to be endgame.

It turned out I was wrong.

I don’t have to think about it now, even though I should. I haven’t done _this_ before, breaking up with someone over a fight, going back to hating someone I should have hated all along. It’s not hard, acting like I’m mad at Baz. It’s not the first time.

Penny is unusually quiet when I tell her about the fake breakup. Agatha rushes to console me, offering hugs and extra dessert and a shoulder to cry on if I want it. I have to keep reminding her that we were never really dating, and the breakup was staged, so of course I don’t need any of those things.

I go back to glaring at Baz across the dining hall. I expect him to sit by himself, at least at first, but he goes right back to Dev and Niall’s table.

The first time he sits with them, I almost drop my fork on the floor. ‘They let him back?’ I say.

Penny glances not-so-subtly behind her. ‘Dev and Niall?’

‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘I thought he’d be kicked out of their gang. I’m the Mage’s Heir, and everything,’ I say, rolling my eyes.

‘He can’t be kicked out of their gang,’ Aggie reasons. ‘He’s the leader. I’ve heard him call them his minions.’

I huff. (Not that I’m surprised.) (What a tosser.)

‘Maybe he told them it wasn’t real,’ Penny says.

But he can’t have, otherwise what was the point of it all? So unless the Old Families are more open-minded about dating the enemy than Baz had me think, he has to have made something up to get them to accept it. Maybe he’s told them something about me, or given them some information about the Mage and pretended he was just using me.

‘Simon,’ Agatha says, her hand on my arm. ‘You’re leaking.’

‘Sorry,’ I say, taking a deep breath, the glow around me fading.

I know he sees it from across the room. He doesn’t look at me, and he doesn’t eat, making snarky comments under his breath as the other two snicker, just as if nothing ever happened.

‘Simon.’ It’s Penny this time. ‘Magic.’

‘Sorry.’

I tear my gaze away from him.

 

*

 

People keep coming up to ask me if I’m okay.

‘I feel bad,’ I whine to Penny. ‘Everyone feels sorry for me, and it wasn’t even a real breakup.’

‘You do seem pretty upset,’ she says.

‘I know,’ I mumble. ‘I just thought things were different.’

Obviously, I was wrong.

I can’t stop watching him in classes when I should be paying attention. He’s moved back to his old spot in every classroom, sometimes at the front, sometimes sitting right behind me, always with Dev or Niall. He won’t even look at me unless I’ve been staring at him for too long, working myself up so my magic starts to fill the room, and then he’ll turn his head just enough for me to see his lip curl. It’s just like before, and I hate it.

‘He’s supposed to have been in love with me for weeks,’ I say. ‘He’s not even trying to act heartbroken.’

‘He’s just too proud,’ says Penny. ‘Don’t you think he’d be acting like this if he’d actually been through a breakup?’

‘No,’ I say, crossing my arms. ‘He wasn’t like this when we were together.’

‘What are you telling people about why you broke up?’ Agatha asks, her brow wrinkling.

‘That I don’t want to talk about it,’ I say.

‘What’s Baz been saying?’ Penny asks.

‘I don’t know. Probably that he broke up with me.’ My shoulders hunch, realising it’s true only as I say it. It’s the only thing that makes sense. Everyone must have known we were never going to last.

‘Are you okay with that?’ Aggie says.

I shrug.

I don’t care what anyone else thinks. But at some point I’m going to have to confront him.

We go back to our old schedule, each one of us avoiding the room as much as possible when we know the other one is going to be there. I guess Baz just can’t stand the sight of me. Which is fine by me, because I can’t stand being in the same room as him while he ignores me, and I’m thinking about what we were like before. The touching, the soft smiles, the quips. When he made me feel like everything he was supposed to hate me for was really something to be loved.

He goes out to feed at night, and I don’t follow him. I don’t go to his football practice either. We don’t talk to each other, and I think about starting a fight just so I can make him look at me again. But I don’t, because what good would it do?

I spend a lot of time practicing with my sword in the Wavering Wood, hacking at trees and generally making a mess. It’s the only time I’m not moping or sulking, as Penny calls it.

Baz doesn’t do any moping or sulking. He doesn’t space out when teachers call on him in class, he shows up to meals, he walks through the place with his usual arrogance.

Nobody even bothers to ask him if he’s okay.

 

*

 

I hear talking as I climb up to our room, and I hesitate. I don’t have to go in now; I could go back to Penny and Agatha in the library and come back once I know Baz is gone. But then I hear him speak again, and I shove open the door.

He’s on a mobile phone – I didn’t even know he had one, they’re not allowed in Watford – leaning against the wall on his bed. He’s rolling his eyes at whatever the other person is saying. His eyes flick over to me and then pass through me.

I cross my arms and lean against the door, watching him.

‘No, Fiona,’ he’s saying. ‘For Crowley’s sake. He’s a twat anyway.’

I look away. Maybe I should just go.

‘I know,’ he says. ‘Yes.’

Silence.

Baz rolls his eyes again. ‘No, it’s fine. He wasn’t even that good of a kisser.’

‘Fuck you,’ I blurt out. I storm into the bathroom and slam the door.

I don’t care. Why should I care? He’s a vampire. A Pitch. Not to mention a complete git. (Also, he’s a boy.) Not to mention that he’s the one still pretending to his family that he was dating me. I’m the one doing him a favour.

When I can’t hear Baz’s voice anymore, I walk out. He’s in the same position on his bed, thumbs flying over the screen of the phone. I go over to my desk and open a textbook at random.

‘So you can say things like that to your aunt, but you can’t even pretend to be upset that we broke up?’ I say.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ Baz says, still tapping at his phone.

‘You act like you don’t even care even though we’ve been ‘dating’ for the last few weeks. You should be acting like you’re hurt.’

‘This is what I act like when I’m hurt,’ he says.

‘But you act like that all the time.’

Tap. Tap. He blinks, but doesn’t look up.

‘Is that all?’ he says. ‘Do you want something, Snow?’

‘No,’ I say. ‘Nothing.’ I pick up the textbook and walk back out of the room.

 

*

 

Instead of heading out towards the Wavering Wood like usual, I climb up to the ramparts.

I’m not angry with Baz for refusing to let me meet his family. Pretending to date each other at school is one thing, but I get that letting me meet his family might be a step too far. But more than that, I can’t stop thinking about the way Malcolm Grimm spoke to him that day, when this whole thing started. There has to be more to this whole story, more to Baz, that I don’t know about. If he’s this good at pretending to be in love with me, it makes sense that he’d be good at hiding his emotions too.

Maybe Baz Pitch is not as perfect as he wants everyone to think.

And maybe he’s not as proud.

I sigh, leaning out over the edge of the ramparts, watching the sun disappear over the top of the Wood. I don’t know what good this does me, thinking of Baz as human.

I jog back down the stairs before it can get too dark. (Before I can start thinking about the kiss and leaking enough magic to draw attention to myself.) It’s probably not late enough for Baz to have left the room yet, so I go straight to the dining hall, even though it’s too early for dinner.

On my way in, I bump into Dev and Niall. I glare at them, and they exchange glances.

‘Snow,’ says Niall, smirking. ‘Where’s your ex-boyfriend?’

‘He’s –’ I bite my lip. _Not my ex-boyfriend_. I try to sidestep around them, but Dev steps up so they’re shoulder-to-shoulder, blocking my path.

‘So what happened?’ Dev says. ‘Do you love him?’

‘No,’ I say, feeling myself turn red. I go to step forward again and Niall crosses his arms.

‘What happened, then? Why’d he go from ditching the Families for you to dumping you within days?’

Heat surges to the surface of my skin, the magic threatening to leak again. I want to protest, but I can’t, not without giving the whole game away and exposing Baz.

‘I don’t know,’ I say, looking away.

For a second, Dev almost looks like he feels sorry for me, but then he’s back to his usual smirk.

‘The Chosen One got dumped twice in four months,’ he crows, and they walk away, still snickering to each other.

‘I don’t get it,’ I hear Niall say. ‘Why Baz would go for Snow. Still seems like a betrayal to me.’

‘He did say Snow was just a passing fancy.’

That does it.

I turn and storm back to Mummers House, realising only when I get there that I’ve left a trail of sparks behind me. If I don’t cool down, there’s going to be a fire.

I don’t care. I just want to get to him.

I run up the stairs and yank on the door handle just as it opens from the inside. I stumble forward, almost falling into Baz’s chest. I regain my balance and then shove him hard.

‘How could you say that?’ I shout in his face. ‘I was trying to help you.’

I go to shove him again, and he grabs my wrists.

‘Simon, _anathema_ , remember?’

‘Fuck you,’ I say, trying to twist out of his grasp. ‘Why are you telling everyone you dumped me? We never agreed on that.’

‘Alright,’ he says. ‘Calm down.’ He keeps a firm hold on my wrists, his face impassive, grey eyes boring into mine. I push forward, but he stays standing.

‘No,’ I growl. ‘You can’t tell people I was just a passing fancy.’

‘Snow, stop,’ he says. ‘It doesn’t matter, okay?’

‘It _does_ matter!’ I stop trying to get to him, and he lets go of my hands. I step back. ‘That’s too – you can’t – there’s a line.’

‘You can say whatever you want about me to your friends,’ he says, crossing his arms.

‘My friends know everything already.’ My hands ball into fists.

‘Anathema,’ says Baz.

‘I know,’ I growl. ‘I don’t care about the stupid anathema.’

He sighs. ‘Snow –’

‘Look,’ I say. ‘You can’t – you can’t just –’ I take a deep breath.

‘What exactly is your problem? Because if you’re just going to bluster at me, I might as well go –’

‘You’re acting like I don’t mean anything,’ I blurt out.

‘I don’t understand why you care,’ he says, his voice harsh. ‘It was just pretend, Snow, we were never really together, or have you forgotten that?’

I flinch. ‘No.’

‘It wasn’t real,’ Baz says, and it takes everything I have not to go off right then, letting my magic bounce off the walls, letting everything turn to flame.

‘I know,’ I say.

‘Then why does it matter?’

‘Because _maybe I wanted it to be real_.’


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are... the final chapter! This one is for all of you who have been reading this and commenting, you've made me do the *squeeee* thing way more times than I can count. Love you all and I hope you like it!!

I’m hiding out in one of the hallways, pacing up and down past the empty classrooms and hoping he won’t look for me. My stomach rumbles, but I ignore it. I feel too sick to eat anyway, sick from worrying, sick from thinking about what I said to him and what he must be thinking.

I should have known better than to start this whole thing. I should have known that I couldn’t let Baz show me that other side of him and then just go on hating him like none of it mattered.

I should have known that I would fall for him. That, right now, seems more inevitable than anything else that’s happened. More, even, than this war leading to one of us ending the other. More inevitable than my breakup with Agatha, even after our relationship had been going downhill for years, more inevitable than the fact that eventually, whether it takes just days or weeks or months, I always lose control and go off. How could I not have seen it before?

I saw his face when I told him. He was shocked, and it’s the smallest of victories, that at least he didn’t sneer at me and tell me he’d known all along, that he’d planned to make me fall for him. I don’t think he planned this. (I started it, after all. And I’m realising now that there were other ways I could have gotten Malcolm Grimm to back off that didn’t involve wrapping my arms around Baz.)

Maybe I should have stayed, to get it over with, so at least Baz would have had to respond to me while he was still shocked. Now I’ll have to face him again and he’ll have had time to think about it, to put on his mask where he acts like he doesn’t care about anything or anyone and nothing can hurt him. Now he can say exactly the right words to cut me down. I should have stayed. But as soon as I blurted it out, I got scared, and I ran off.

I’ll have to face him eventually, but not today. I don’t have the strength for it. I’ve wasted more magic than I normally would in an Elocution lesson, spilling it across the length of the hallway so it crackles in the air around me. When night has fallen and dinner must be long over, I’ve calmed down enough that my magic is under control.

I’m not going back. I’ll stay with Rhys and Gareth, or I’ll stay in the library. I can’t face him yet.

Penny finds me just as I’m about to head back to Mummers House.

‘Simon,’ she says. ‘Where’s Baz?’

I blush. ‘I don’t know.’

Her eyes widen and she rushes towards me, her hand on my arm.

‘What happened?’ (It’s impossible to hide anything from Penny.)

‘Nothing,’ I mumble. ‘We had a fight. Now he – I said I wished it was real.’

‘Oh, Simon,’ she says. ‘If it’s any consolation – he wasn’t at dinner.’

I shrug. (He never eats anyway, so I suppose he only goes for show.)

‘What are you going to do?’

I shrug again. ‘Avoid him.’

She purses her lips. ‘I think you should talk to him.’

‘No, I – I can’t.’

‘You can’t avoid him forever.’

I hang my head. ‘I know.’

 

*

 

Gareth looks like he wants to ask questions, but Rhys tells him to shut up and of course I can stay with them. He pulls an extra blanket from the bottom of the wardrobe, and spells a rectangle of floor to be soft enough to sleep on.

‘You wanna talk about it?’ he asks.

‘No.’

I listen to the two of them chatting, Gareth complaining about football and Rhys grumbling about the Minotaur’s homework, before they put the lights out and go to sleep. It’s all so… civil. There’s resentment building up in my gut again, that Baz made sure I couldn’t have this. A proper roommate. A friend.

I sigh quietly and roll over, but I don’t fall asleep.

Penny’s right. Sooner or later, I’m going to have to talk to him.

 

*

 

I decide not to skip breakfast. I’m going over the lines in my head as I walk down.

_Just forget I said anything. I didn’t mean it. It doesn’t matter. Can we just go back to ignoring each other?_

I want to tell him it was just a passing fancy. But then he’ll know I don’t mean it, because why would I still be so upset that he called me that if I didn’t care? If I didn’t want more?

Knowing me, all the words are going to fly right out of my head the second he looks at me with those cold grey eyes. I can’t believe I kissed him. I can’t believe he held my hand and called me stupid pet names and let me fall asleep on his shoulder. (I should have known.)

He isn’t at breakfast yet, and I sit on the other side of the table so I won’t have to look at him. Maybe if I’m lucky I can avoid him until the end of the day.

The plan seems fine at first, Penny and Agatha sitting across the table from me, and I’m refusing to turn towards the door or Baz’s table. But then I hear Agatha hiss my name and they’re both looking behind me and I know he’s there.

I’m frozen, too scared to turn around.

‘Simon.’

Why? I want to ask him. Why not Snow, why do that to me now?

I drop my fork on my plate with a clatter and look up. He’s standing next to my chair, hands clasped behind his back, a tiny crease on his brow. His hair is loose around his face, his shoulders stiff.

‘What do you want?’ I say, setting my jaw.

He takes a deep breath, and then his hands come out from behind his back. There’s a long, thin green stem in one hand, and on top of it, a perfect red rose. The colour fades out at the top so the tips of the petals are pink and orange, almost gold. (He must have spelled it into existence.)

‘I want you,’ he says. ‘But… I want it to be real.’

There’s silence around us like the whole room is holding its breath. I can’t take my eyes off him.

He holds the flower out towards me. ‘Please take it.’

I take the stem, careful not to touch him.

‘I –’ he starts, and then clears his throat. ‘I’m sorry. For everything I said to you. For making you think it didn’t mean anything.’

‘Aleister Crowley,’ somebody whispers, and their friend shushes them.

‘The truth is that I wanted this for so long, and then it was happening, but it wasn’t real, and I had to keep my distance from you,’ he says. ‘I was trying to protect myself, and I didn’t think I could hurt you, because you couldn’t possibly feel the way I do –’

I stand up, my chair screeching back across the floor.

‘Wait,’ Baz says, his hand reaching into the space between us and then dropping back to his side. ‘I wasn’t pretending. I meant all of it.’

I finally find my voice. ‘Then why didn’t you just tell me?’

‘Because I thought you hated me.’

‘But you acted like you didn’t care when we broke up.’

‘Years of practice,’ he says.

‘Oh.’

I’m still holding the flower, and somewhere somebody is yelling for us to snog, and Baz looks terrified. He’s never let me see him this scared, this vulnerable. He’s just told all of them that the whole dating thing was a ruse, all of Watford, including his family friends. Why? Why not just tell me all this in private? Unless he wanted to prove something to me.

I place the rose carefully on the table and reach for Baz’s hand, holding it up between us. He lets out a shaky breath. I place my palm against his so our fingers are lined up, mine with the worn nails, and his rough and calloused from fire magic, or maybe from playing the violin.

‘Simon?’ he says.

‘Hm?’

He raises an eyebrow. I finally look around and realise that most of the room is on its feet. Someone in the corner has started up a chant, and even Penny and Agatha have joined in.

‘I think you’d better kiss me,’ Baz says.

I take a step closer, and another, and he bends his head so the tip of his nose brushes mine.

‘I thought you said I was a terrible kisser,’ I say.

His eyes are half-closed, trained on my lips. ‘I didn’t say you were terrible, I said you weren’t that good.’

I bite my lip, and his breath catches. ‘Same thing.’

‘Besides,’ says Baz. ‘I was lying. Obviously.’

‘Right. Obviously.’

‘Snow?’

‘Hm?’

‘Get on with it. Please.’

I do.

 

***

 

I clutch Baz’s hand in a death grip as we walk up the (excessively long) driveway.

‘Snow,’ he keeps saying. ‘It’s okay. Calm down.’

I open my mouth.

‘Yes, you look fine,’ he says. ‘No, you definitely don’t need to go back for the tie. And no. They don’t hate you.’

I pout. ‘Okay, no more questions,’ I say. We walk in silence for a minute. ‘It’s just – what if they do hate me?’

‘They won’t,’ he says firmly. ‘Daphne will love you. So will Fiona, even though she’s meaner than I am, because deep down she really does want me to be happy. You can ignore anything Mordelia says. And my father…’

We reach the door. Baz takes my other hand and squeezes it.

‘He’ll come around,’ he says.

I take a deep breath, and nod.

‘Sorry,’ I say. ‘I shouldn’t – this is scarier for you than it is for me.’

Baz rolls his eyes. ‘They’re _my_ evil plotting family, not yours, so I think I can handle it.’

‘I never said your family was evil. Or plotting.’

‘That’s right,’ says Baz. ‘It’s just me, is it?’

‘Yep,’ I say, and kiss him on the lips, just because I can.

We knock on the door, and wait.

 

*

 

Dating Baz – really dating him – is different from pretending.

It doesn’t end as soon as we’re out of sight. Actually, it’s kind of the opposite of how it was before, because it turns out Baz doesn’t like public displays of genuine affection and the most he’ll do in front of other people is hold my hand. If I try to kiss him, he rolls his eyes and swats me away, but then if I leave him alone he’ll pull me back and kiss me anyway.

He’s not as sappy now, either. He doesn’t say things like _I choose you over everything_ and he definitely doesn’t use pet names, except for Chosen One, sometimes. (I still hate it.) He also still calls me Snow, which we fight about at least three times a day.

‘I’ve always called you Snow,’ he says. ‘You’re Snow in my head. I can’t just change it because you asked me to.’

‘But it’s not my name.’

‘It is your name, idiot.’

(He still calls me idiot, too.)

‘It’s not my first name. My friends call me by my first name.’

‘I’m not your _friend_ , Snow.’ And then he pins me against the wall and the argument ends.

He also sits with Dev and Niall at meals sometimes, though not often because he says they do nothing but complain that he made them waste their childhoods plotting against me.

‘Ha! You just admitted to plotting against me.’

He thunks his head against the wall. ‘Crowley.’

Some things haven’t changed. He still gets along with Penny and Agatha. He still helps me with schoolwork sometimes. Other times we get too distracted. He refuses to let me come hunting with him, even if I threaten to withhold kisses or call him _sweetie pie_ for the rest of the week.

‘I’d like to see you try.’

I do it once, and he responds by calling me _Mage’s Heir_ , and I shut up.

‘Shit, I’m sorry,’ he says. ‘I’m sorry, love.’

I don’t think he meant to say that either, so I brush it off.

We talk now, too. Usually at night, because it’s somehow easier to whisper secrets into the dark when I can’t quite see his face, turned away from the moonlight in the window. (The window stays open. I said it was payback for what he put me through after the ‘breakup’. He said that was hardly fair given what I put him through for the last three years. There was nothing to do then but snog the living daylights out of him.) (The window stayed open.) I’ve tried to explain to him what it was like to grow up without magic – or rather, _with_ magic, but not understanding what it was. He seems to understand. He says he’ll take me down to see his mother’s grave someday. He hasn’t, so far, but I’m happy for him to take all the time he needs.

We talk about the war too.

‘I’m not going to fight you,’ I say.

He’s quiet, and for a second I think he can’t make the same promise, but then he sighs. ‘I know,’ he says. ‘We won’t let them tear us apart. There has to be some other way.’

It’s the first time he’s ever said it like that, like the war might not be inevitable.

I still don’t believe him about the stairs. (That he didn’t mean to push me.) Maybe he’ll convince me someday. Maybe.

But for now, there’s seven years of animosity and misunderstandings to make up for, and I intend to make the most of every second.

 

*

 

It turns out Baz’s family really doesn’t hate me.

Mordelia, his little sister, is instantly my favourite. She’s as snarky as Baz, but it’s adorable on someone her age, and it’s especially adorable when she does it to Baz. Out of all of them, Daphne seems happiest to see me, and she keeps looking between me and Baz like she can’t quite believe what she’s seeing. I don’t know if Baz and his stepmother are close, but I can tell she loves him. Fiona is… well. She looks at me and narrows her eyes and I can’t help but think she’s seeing the Mage’s Heir. She’s the one who pulls me aside and gives me the boyfriend speech, detailing exactly what will happen if I hurt him. (It’s gruesome and involves both Normal and magickal kinds of revenge and by the end of it I just want to run back into the safety of Baz’s arms.) He eventually finds us and drags me away.

‘It’s okay,’ he tells me. ‘Bunce gave me the same speech.’

‘She did not,’ I say. ‘You didn’t hear what your aunt said.’

‘Well, Bunce threatened to turn me into a bat. Can’t say I was very impressed.’

I peer up at him. ‘Can you turn into a bat?’

‘Crowley, Simon. No. Don’t you think I would have played that prank on you by now if I could?’

I shrug. ‘Probably.’

And then there’s Baz’s father. He shakes my hand and asks me about school and my future career prospects and I stutter my way through the whole conversation. Mr Grimm is nothing but polite, and then he excuses himself and I don’t see him again until dinnertime.

It’s not perfect, but it’s more than I ever hoped for. They’re letting me into their home. Nobody has tried to actually stop us from dating, even if not everyone is happy about it.

Baz drives us back to Watford after nightfall (I guess they’ll just magic the car back later), both of us too tired to talk. Instead, I rest my cheek on the back of the seat and just watch him. And then I close my eyes and fall asleep, but I don’t dream, because everything I could dream about is right here by my side, and it’s real.


End file.
